If you’ve ever met me in real life you’ll know that I can be a miserable judgemental motherfucker. And when it comes to afro hair I just can’t help thinking badly of some people sometimes. Obviously I hold my tongue and try to clear my mind with a ‘palate’ cleansing mantra such as ‘it’s not your hair why does it matter’ but here are some of the things that really get my goat up:
Dry, crusty afro hair. We all know that afro hair tends to be dry and we’ve all probably had to stretch wash day one day too many on occasion. But you know when you see afro hair that is just dry, dry, dry and it obviously didn’t get like that in a day. It’s the product of systematic neglect. Systematic failure to moisturise. Well I can’t stand that. I look at it and think, ‘Why can’t you just moisturise your hair. Is there a particular reason why you want it to look so straw like and brittle? Why are you giving afro hair a bad name?’.
See through ends. I know those people probably want their hair to be long. And that’s a noble pursuit. But I want to say to them ‘holding on to split uneven ends that barely scrape your neck is not the way to get there’.
The edgeless and proud! I have seen countless women with edges worse than mine and they are scraped back and coated with gel, and then the hair is stressed further with a heavy looking prosthetic bun. Do they not see what the world sees? Do they really have no other viable hair styling alternatives? Why the obsession with slicked back hair and forcing it to perform against type?
24/7 weave. I’m not a stalker but you know those people that you just know would not be seen without their weave. Well that annoys me because I think they are implicitly saying that their afro hair isn’t good enough. They have created an image and template of beauty and confidence that doesn’t include their natural hair.
And the one that gets me solid every time. When I see a small child running around with a relaxer or a head full of braided extensions. I just don’t believe those parents don’t know better. This is the information age. I want to shout ‘so your child is perhaps on their way to an edgeless and hairless future for your convenience and because you feel that their hair should look a certain way that is contrary to how it naturally is.